1月1日
你好 Hello
早上好 good morning
新年快乐 Happy New Year!
-你叫什么来着？ -格雷戈里 -What's your name again? -Grzegorz.
丹布拉夫斯基 Dbrowski.
初级侦探 Junior detective.
那你准备好你的处女秀了？ So? Ready to pop your cherry?
是 长官 Yes, sir.
这里真够难闻的 It smells terrible in here.
你会习惯的 You'll get used to it.
我肠胃不好 还有… I just have a weak stomach and?
世界末日…我的错… End of the world?My fault?
我的朋友都死了…为什么？ All my friends are dead?Why?
这里是什么情况？ What do we have here?
莫雷蒂披萨
抱歉 我… I'm sorry, I was just?
只是…我的肠胃… It's just?my stomach and all?
谢谢长官 Thank you, sir.
我现在没事了 I'm fine now.
哦 天啊 Oh, God.
长官… Inspector, sir?
长官 刚才的纸是 从你口袋里拿出来的吧？ Surely you took that paper out of your own pocket? Right?
侦探 长官 Inspector, sir!
长官 我们刚才可能毁掉了关键证据 Sir, we've just potentially destroyed key evidence.
我们必须上报 We have to report this.
哇 Whoa.
这里到底发生了什么？长官 What the hell happened here, sir?
用一种你能理解的语言来说： To say it in a language you'd understand:
史诗般的失败 an epic fail.
-什么？ -没什么 -What? -Never mind.
先告诉我在这次屠杀期间 这家的父母去哪里了 For starters, tell me where the parents were during this carnage.
在塔特拉山度假 Holidaying at the Tatra mountains.
在山上度假 Holidays at the mountains.
还真有创意 How original.
他们上天 这里下地狱 They went up a hill, and everything went downhill from there.
-知道我的意思吗？ -你在开玩笑？ -See what I mean? -Are you being funny?
不 长官 抱歉 No, sir. I'm sorry.
他们现在在哪里？ And where are they now?
在医院里 这家的妈妈回家后 受到了严重的心理打击 In hospital. The mother experienced a psychogenic shock when they came home.
她现在正在接受药物治疗 爸爸也是 在吃镇定剂 She's now on medication. So is the father. Under sedatives.
他有自杀倾向 He was being suicidal.
他不能原谅自己把枪留在家里 He can't forgive himself for leaving a gun in the house.
他的枪有执照吗？ Is his gun licensed?
有 他是名业余的收藏家 Yes. He's an amateur collector.
对枪感兴趣 Passionate about guns, in general.
真是一团糟 What a mess.
你怎么会死在这里？ Oh, how did you end up here?
很漂亮…是吗？ Pretty thing?isn't it?
呃 是啊 Well, yes.
你能看出什么？长官 What does it tell you, sir?
我妻子一定会很喜欢的 That my wife will sure appreciate it.
来吧 Come on.
这么说 这家的父母都在医院 So we have both parents in hospital,
他们的女儿在醉汉收容所 their daughter in a drunk tank?
-少管所 -他们的儿子呢？ -A youth shelter. -And their son?
叫马雷克 Marek.
-这是马雷克吗？ -是 -Is this Marek? -This is Marek.
马雷克一个人在家 Marek was home alone.
就像《小鬼当家》里的凯文一样 看来他也办了个死亡派对 Just like Kevin. Looks like he threw a killer party, too.
-我怎么和你说开玩笑的事的？ -叫我不要开玩笑 -What did I say about being funny? -Not to go down that road.
写下来 这是第二条规矩 Write that down. That's rule number two.
看来这家伙嘴里被塞了球 Looks like, due to being ball-gagged,
被自己的呕吐物噎死了 this guy choked to death on his own vomit.
这个死法太糟糕了 What a terrible way to go.
你可能听说过 我上一个搭档在行动中死了 You may have heard my last partner died in action.
长官 你怎么看？ So what are you thinking, sir?
根据所有线索… Based on all the clues?
我可以总结一条： I can summarize it as:
哪里出了问题 Something went wrong.
-现在可以了？ -是 -Can we do this now? -Yes.
走吧 Come on.
照一张 拜托了 Take one, please.
我总是会和新搭档合个影 I always get a picture taken with a new partner.
前一天…
-你兴奋吗？ -是啊 -You excited? -Yeah.
我终于要见你的朋友们了 I'll finally meet your friends.
是的 马雷克和其他人 Yeah, Marek and all the rest.
很好 Cool.
你没事吧？ Something's wrong?
没事 我昨晚没睡好 Everything's fine. I didn't sleep enough last night.
我的小懒虫 My sleepyhead!
你们俩开个房间吧 Ugh! Get a room, you two!
-奥利维亚 -你好 美女 -Oliwia! -Hi, pretty face.
-你来这里干嘛？ -你以为能躲得过我？ -What are you doing here? -You thought you could hide from me?
妈妈打电话给我了 Mommy called me.
她儿子从大学里回来 她可开心了 She's over the moon about her son coming back from college.
-她跟我说了她女儿的事儿 -她说了什么？ -She gave us a lecture on her daughter. -What did she say?
滥交很危险 Oh, you know, the dangers of your hooking around,
性病之类的 非常不错的圣诞晚餐谈话 STDs and all that. Great Christmas dinner conversation.
你吸毒 让她担心 Your drug use worries her.
-你跟她说了什么？ -让她更担心 -What did you tell her? -To panic more.
嗨 Hi!
她怎么来了？我没请她呀 Why her? She's not invited.
你 You!
你一定是安吉莉卡 You must be Angelica.
这家伙说了很多你的事儿 我连你内衣尺码都知道 This guy talks so much about you, I even know your bra size.
是我 34B That's me, 34B!
你看 她真逗 Here you go! She's also funny!
-嗨 老兄 -嗨 -Hi, man. -Hi.
规矩是 除了楼上哪里都可以去 As a rule, you can go anywhere but upstairs.
我这帮朋友可棒了 卫生间在这里 My folks' rule. Bathroom's here.
派对在客厅 这里是厨房 有酒和食物 The living room is the party. The kitchen, aka booze and food.
菲利普 给我们拍一张 Filip! Take a pic of us?
好 Sure.
这是菲利普 我们的派对摄影师 刚从戒毒所出来 That's Filip. Our party photographer. Just came out of drug rehab.
你该帮我保密的 You were to keep it discreet.
我告诉过你 I told you before!
要想解决问题 首先要承认问题 The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.
他很不错吧？是不可替代的 Isn't he just great? Irreplaceable.
我们可爱的马雷克 Our lovely Marek.
菲利普 他只是惹了毒品的麻烦 Filip?He just hit a rough patch with drugs,
但他其实是个很酷的家伙 but he's a really cool guy.
也许有点过分敏感或者夸张 A little oversensitive or dramatic perhaps.
但这无伤大雅 But, you know, small and harmless.
这是阿纳斯塔西娅和乔丹 以前是恩爱的情人 These two former lovebirds are Anastasia and Jordan.
他们以前很幸福 但后来就不了 They used to be happy, but there's not much happiness left.
她更追求精神上的东西 但他宁愿做个说唱歌手 She's more into spirituality, he'd rather be another Post Malone.
你答应今晚跟我一起度过的 你知道这对我来说有多特别 You promised to spend tonight with me! You know how special this is to me.
-现在不行 宝贝 -那要等到何时？ -Not now, babe. -When then?
你能给我一点空间吗？ 我想把重点放在这里 Would you give me some space? I'm trying to focus on essentials here.
你害我不能专心 我们晚点再聊 You're distracting me. We'll hang out later!
好了… Right?
这是贾克 他是法国人 This is Jacques. He's French.
-摩门教徒 -摩门教徒？ -A Mormon, apparently. -A Mormon?
昨天有两位传教士来敲我的门 Two missionaries knocked on my door yesterday.
我以为他们是耶和华见证会的 我就开始对他们大喊大叫 I took them for Jehovah's witnesses. started yelling at them, as you do.
但其实他们找到了我丢失的钱包 But in fact they came 'cause they found my lost wallet.
明白吗？如果上帝真的存在 他一定很喜欢我 Get it? If a God exists, He must totally like me.
所以因果循环 为了感谢他们 So for good karma, in order to thank them,
我就邀请他们参加派对 不过只有他来了 I invited them to the party. Only he showed up.
他波兰语不太好 不过他没事儿 He can't speak much Polish but he's OK.
这算怎么回事？ What was that?
看看这两个人 Check out these two.
罗伯特和拉法 他们是“杰与沉默鲍勃”式的人物 Robert and Rafa. They're like Jay and Silent Bob.
总是想找明星 最后都是对着别人妈妈的照片打飞机 Always reaching for the stars, end up jerking off to someone's mother's picture.
俩逗逼 Stock comic relief.
妓女都不愿搭理他们 They wouldn't get pussy at the BunnyRanch.
这里情况就不同了 这是大众情人达瑞兹 Now, on the flip side, here's lover boy Dariusz.
辣妹总是围着他 Hot chicks always swarm around him.
你们是姐妹吗？ Are you two sisters or something?
-是啊 -是吗？ -Yes! -Yeah?
星体姐妹 Astral sisters.
打幼儿园开始 他就受女生青睐 He started with the kindergarten ladies.
每个英雄都有自己的成长史 Every superhero has his origin story.
是啊 你们都懂 “能力越大 责任就越大” And, as you know, with great power comes great responsibility.
喂 你这个混蛋 你跟几个贱货在一起？ Hey! You piece of shit! You're with some skanks?
-闭嘴 贱人 -蕾妮亚 不要 -Shut up, bitches! -Renia, don't.
-别动怒 -冷静 姑娘们 -Peace! -Easy, girls.
-这些荡妇是谁？ -你来这里干什么？ -Who are these fucking sluts? -What are you doing here?
你说我们需要冷一冷 Well, you said we needed a break.
对 冷一冷 Right, a break.
这不代表 A break doesn't mean
你可以随便跟别的荡妇乱搞 you can go around fucking any slut you see.
可以的 再说了 什么荡妇？ 你看她们多酷 It does too. Besides, what sluts? See how cool they are.
宝贝 你说我们关系很好 Baby?you said we were great.
-我们在一起很开心 -错了 粉妹 -We are great together! -Wrong, Pinky.
我们就睡过一次 但你缠了我两个月 We fucked once, and you've been dogging me for two months.
-三个月 -没错 -Three months! -Exactly.
老兄 搞什么？ Man, what the fuck?
我让你在我身上撒尿的 I let you piss on me!
这不算什么 现在大家都这样 Big deal, everyone pisses on everyone else now.
拜托 现如今 这就像接吻 Come on, these days it's like kissing.
-别在我身上撒尿 -笨蛋 -No pissing on me! -Bummer.
-也别在我身上撒尿 -拜托 姑娘们 -On me neither! -Come on, girls.
她只是无理取闹 会没事儿的 She's just being ridiculous. It'll pass.
再见 Bye!
粉妹 你冷静点 Pinky, calm down!
听我说 你这个笨蛋 我们结束了 好吗？ Listen to me, you loon. We are done now. OK?
结束了 单身 游戏结束 Finished. Single. Kaput. Game over.
门在那边 你出去 让我好好过日子 There's the door. Get out and let me live for once.
我希望你噎着 去死吧 I hope you choke! And die!
嘿 达罗 Hey, Daro!
别开玩笑了 你会吸引坏气场 Quit joking around. You'll attract bad aura.
来吧 派对才刚开始 Come on, the party's just begun!
我永远不会撒尿在你身上 You know I'd never piss on you.
我知道 I know.
你们两个真可爱 罗密欧和朱丽叶 好 各位玩得开心 享受派对吧 How cute, you two. Romeo and Juliet. OK, guys, have fun. Enjoy the party.
男人都是猪 Men are pigs!
-所以你喜欢？ -我喜欢什么？ -So you like it? -Do I like whom?
-项链 -啊 是的 非常不错 -The necklace. -Ah, yes, it's very nice.
-你不喜欢 -我喜欢的 -You don't like it. -I do like it!
我还留着收据 我们可以退掉 I still have the receipt, we can return it.
保罗 真的很漂亮 别紧张 放松点 Pawe, it's really beautiful. Come on, relax.
看谁来了？ Who's this now?
-你好 马雷克 -我的兄弟 -Hello, Marek! -My man!
-这是格洛丽亚 这是马雷克 -你好 -This is Gloria. And this is Marek. -Hello.
真令人惊讶 你们交往很久了吗？ What a surprise. Have you been dating long?
-三个月 -我们没有交往 -Three months. -We're not dating.
我是说… I mean?
我们这几个月常见面 We've been meeting for a few months.
但我们不是物品 我们不是在交往 But we're not an item, we're not dating.
没错 我们没有那么做 No, we're not doing that at all.
我是说 我们做了 I mean, we are doing that,
但我们没有交往 不是… but we're not in a relationship. It's not--
-有酒吗？ -当然 -Got any drinks? -Sure.
-你想喝什么？ -葡萄酒 -What would you like? -Wine.
葡萄酒… Wine?
没有 You know, I don't think so.
但是我们有香槟 But we have champagne.
是午夜庆祝用的 不过你要的话可以喝 For the midnight toast, but it's yours if you want it.
我当然要 Of course I want it!
很好 Wonderful.
你们俩是怎么认识的？ So how did you two meet?
我们是在葬礼上认识的 We met at a funeral.
酷 Cool!
对那个死人来说不酷 I mean not cool for?you know who.
没事儿 Relax.
-是谁踢的？ -波丹 -Who kicked the bucket? -Bogdan!
是乔丹不是波丹 我跟你说了多少次了？ Jordan! Not Bogdan. How many times must I tell you?
保罗的外婆死了 我认识她女儿…就是他的母亲 Pawe's grandma died. I knew her daughter?His mother.
太神奇了 老天是怎么把人们聚在一起的 It's amazing! The way the universe brings people together.
要一起玩吗？ You wanna play?
当然 Sure.
当你消除生活中的垃圾时 When you eliminate clutter from life,
你就为宇宙创造了 让相似的灵魂相聚的空间 you create space for the universe to unite kindred spirits,
就像你们俩 like the two of you.
所以你的意思是 他外婆死了 So you're saying his grandmother died
是为了给格洛丽亚腾地方？ to make room for Gloria?
别那么幼稚 当生活中发生坏事时 Stop being so basic! When something bad happens in life,
就会有好事发生 then something good comes out of that.
原来如此 就像《狮子王》 生命的循环 I see. Like The Lion King The circle of life.
是的 就像《狮子王》 没错 Yes, like The Lion King. Exactly.
生命之环象征着神圣的宇宙 The circle of life symbolizes the sacred and divine universe.
-宇宙 我们来玩吧 -我在告诉你呢 -Universe, shmuniverse. Let's play! -I'm telling you.
-靠 -非常接近 -Damn. -It was close.
格洛丽亚 你只有在他得分后才能喝 Gloria, you're only meant to drink after he scores!
这才对嘛 That's the spirit!
你们俩的星座可能也相配 You two probably match in astrology as well.
你是什么座的？ What are your signs?
-我… -等一下 让我猜猜 -I'm?-Wait, let me guess.
你是… You are?
双子座 a Gemini.
-格洛丽亚一定是… -我知道 -And Gloria must be?-I know!
格洛丽亚是海妖座的 Gloria is a Siren.
-她是水瓶座 -保罗 我们跳舞吧 -An Aquarius. She's an Aquarius. -Pawe, let's dance!
现在 我不…我不太想 Right now, I don't quite?I don't feel like it.
所以现在跳舞也上了 你不做的事的清单了？ So now dancing goes on the growing list of things you don't do?
我们仍然可以… We can still?
你是说… So you're saying?
你可以跟她上床而不用负责任？ you can tap her without having to commit?
差不多吧 Pretty much.
靠 Damn.
我也会杀了谁的外婆 让人替代她的位置 I'd kill a grandma, too, if someone took her place.
二逼 Jerk!
但就是有一点 There's just one thing, man.
她一喝酒就会发疯 When she drinks, she goes crazy.
她会失控 She loses control.
天啊 太好了 女人就是要发疯 Man, this is great! Bitches be crazy.
是啊 只是她… I guess. It's just?
她有点疏远我 She's kinda keeping me at a distance.
一切都很好 我们相处得很好 Everything's fine, we get along really well.
她很聪明 She's very smart.
还有 性爱 And then, there's the sex.
很好吗？ Good?
等等… Hang on?
我从你身上感受到正能量 I sense from you a flow of positive energy.
你恋爱了？ Are you in love?
真是个失败者 你恋爱了？ What a loser! You're in love?
不可能 这让我想起 No way, man. Which reminds me:
他们恋爱了 拉拉拉拉拉 They're in love, hah! Rah-rah-rah-rah!
天啊 我的歌你一定喜欢 肯定火 我放给你听 Man, my track will blow you away. A sure hit, let me play it for you.
靠 Fuck!
想要成功就要继续… To be great is to go on?
继续下去就是走得远… To go on is to go far?
走得远就是勇敢… To go far is to be brave?
想要成功就是要继续… To be great is to go on?
继续下去就是走得远… To go on is to go far?
走得远就是勇敢… To go far is to be brave?
-你好 -你好 -Hi, hello. -Hi!
我做了件蠢事 Look, I did something kinda stupid.
我把酒洒在你相机上了 I spilt some booze on your camera.
哦 Oh.
对不起 我觉得自己很傻 Sorry. I feel like an idiot.
别这样 相机应该没事 Well, don't. It should be OK.
-没关系 别担心 -真的吗？ -All good, don't worry. -Yeah?
-是啊 还能用 -酷 -Yeah, it works. -Cool!
你要不要…跟我一起抽根大麻？ Then how about?you join me for a joint?
一根大麻 A peace pipe.
你知道吗？我不能 You know what? I can't.
-你不能？ -我真的不该 -You can't? -I really shouldn't.
你不能还是你不该？ You can't or you shouldn't?
不是我不想 因为我想的 我很愿意… Not that I don't want to, because I do, I totally would?
禁果是最甜的 The forbidden fruit is the sweetest.
我知道 I know.
别扯了 我们走吧 Quit the bullshit, let's go.
莫雷蒂披萨 全城最好的披萨 Moretti's Pizza, best pizza in town.
真的？有那么好吗？ Really? That good?
全城最好的披萨 Best pizza in town.
当然 No kidding.
在新年前夜工作感觉很糟糕 对吧？ Working on New Year's Eve sucks, huh?
有点儿 A little bit.
我要是你 我就上吊去了 I'd hang myself if I were you.
一共560 OK, it'll be 560.
哇 这价钱包含脱衣舞娘吗？ Whoa! Does that include a stripper?
她也在这盒子里吗？会跳出来吗？ Is she in these boxes? Gonna jump right out?
没有 No.
-你是脱衣舞娘吗？ -不是 -Are you the stripper? -No.
别紧张 这是开玩笑的 Relax, it's a joke.
你的幽默感都哪儿去了？ Your sense of humor froze up?
你能不能就把钱付了？ Can you just pay me?
我身上没有钱 You know what, I don't have any money on me.
请你稍等一下 Can you wait a second?
四号司机你在哪里？四号司机请回答 Driver 4, where are you? Driver 4, answer.
-我赶时间 -没问题 -I'm in a real hurry. -Sure.
我会像那…非常快的东西一样快 I'll be quick as a?as something that's really quick.
快一点 好吗？ Just be quick, yeah?
“我会回来的” I'll be back.
好 OK.
懂了？ Got it?
我再想个更好笑的 I'll think of a better one.
-你刚说到吉他？ -没问题 我这就去拿 -You mentioned a guitar? -Sure! I'll bring it in a sec.
法国贵宾犬 French poodle.
拉法： 我不能再等了 去洗手间？
纸杯蛋糕：半夜 楼上 准备好
在发什么信息？ Why all this texting?
我在给这个…女人发短信 I'm texting this?chick.
女人？ A chick?
是啊 Yeah, right.
-谁会发信息给你？ -你妈 -I wonder who would text you. -Your mother.
说到熟女… Speaking of MILFs?
-看看她 -对 -Check her out. -Yeah.
很辣 What a hottie.
对吧？ Right?
真是个… What a?
骚货 slut!
嗯 Uh-huh.
我们上她吧 Let's go fuck her.
什么？ What?
我们上她吧 Let's fuck her!
当然可以 只是… Sure, except?
我们一直站在这里也办不成啊 it's not just gonna happen if we keep standing around.
所以呢？ So?
-行动吧 -你先上 -Move it. -You first!
上次是我先上的 I was first last time.
之前连着两次都是我先上的 这次该你了 Me, twice before. It's your turn.
你退缩了吗？ Are you chickening out?
谁？我？ Who? Me?
你没胆子 You got no balls.
没胆子 我？ No balls, me?!
我上 I'm going!
喂 哥们 Yo, dude.
嗯？ Huh?
不知道我们有披萨 I wonder why we need chicks at all?
还要那些妞儿干什么？ when there's pizza.
她们大概是有其他用途的 They are probably for other things.
你不这么想吗？ Don't you think?
对 洗衣 打扫屋子 做饭 Right. Laundry, cleaning. Cooking.
当然 这也是可以外叫的 Although you can order that too.
你觉得怎么样？ Well, what do you think?
两年前我们才认识 你都要求婚了？ We met two years ago. You're proposing already?
拜托 别这样 Please, stop.
你搞得我要掉眼泪了 You made me tear up.
非常有趣 Very funny.
你给我看戒指 什么意思？ You're showing me a ring. What's this?
我今晚向安吉莉卡求婚 I'm proposing to Angelica tonight.
你有毛病啊？ The fuck's wrong with you?
都还好吗？ How's it going?
-什么？ -你知道… -What? -You know?
好点了吗？ Anything getting better?
天啊… Jesus?
我只是因为喝多了才会告诉你 I only told you because I was drunk.
亲爱的 我是为你好才问的 Honey, I'm asking for your sake!
我仔细想过了 是时候了 I've thought it through. It's time.
-她很好 -仔细想过了？ -She's great. -Thought it through?
-已经十个月了… -十个月了？ -It's been ten months?-Ten months?
多少次？ How many times?
你是说… You mean?
性爱还好吗？ Sex good?
-不错吗？ -超棒的 -Nooky nice? -Awesome.
有过几次…？ How many times?you know?
我不知道 I don't.
再好好想想 Give it more thought.
他让你高潮过几次？ How many times did he make you come?
我不知道 有几次吧？ I don't know. A few?
靠 那就是没有 Fuck. Never!
我爱她 达雷克 I love her, Darek.
我喜欢意大利辣香肠披萨 Me, I love pepperoni pizza.
我怎么知道的？ 因为我尝试了不同的口味 How do I know? Because I tried different varieties.
夏威夷… Hawaiian?
或卡布里秋莎 Or capricciosa.
没什么特色 Which is kind of boring.
有金枪鱼的披萨 There's pizza with tuna.
或者素披萨 Or vegetarian.
四种奶酪的 Quattro formaggi.
你不能就试一个 第一个送来 You've tried one, the first one to come along.
你咬一口就说“哇 太棒了” One bite and you go, "Wow, amazing!"
甩掉他 姑娘 跟运动员上床吧 Dump his ass, girl. Go fuck an athlete.
你怎么能这么说？他是你哥哥 How can you say that? He's your brother!
所以呢？你要结婚吗？填补空白？ So? Are you gonna get married? To fill the void?
生一个宝宝 然后再生另一个 You have one baby, then another,
因为两个比较容易养 because two are easier to bring up.
他一直在为你们的问题拼命挣钱 He works constantly to earn money for both your problems.
你意识到那个混蛋根本 无法填补你的空虚 You realize that asshole can't fill the void you feel.
然后你就用斧头砍了他 So you whack him with an ax.
看到吗？ See?
我是在关心他 I'm looking out for him.
你还没吃够披萨吗？ Aren't you full of that pizza?
-什么？ -你快30了 -What? -You're almost 30!
在新年前夜追少女？ Chasing teens on New Year's Eve?
别说废话 Cut the crap.
打起精神来 找个固定伴侣 过稳定的生活 Get your shit together. Settle down.
天啊 老兄 这样不行的 Jesus, dude. It doesn't work that way.
“我要娶一个女人 我现在只要一个就行” "I wanna marry me a woman, let me have one now."
还有时间 我为什么要浪费生命？ There's still time. Why am I wasting my breath?
你的妞儿呢？ Where's your chick?
-金发的那个 -哪里？ -The blonde. -Where?
丹尼尔 Daniel!
哇 这是玛格丽特披萨 Damn, pizza margherita!
难怪啦 Now I get it.
那另一个呢？和她说话的那个 And the other one? The one talking to her?
-那是谁？ -那是我妹妹 -Who is that? -That is my sister.
你还有个妹妹？不可能吧 You have a sister? No way.
戴着鹿角的那个？ The one with the reindeer?
喂 你们见到格洛丽亚了吗？ Hey, have you seen Gloria?
-谁？ -格洛丽亚 -Who? -Gloria.
一个年纪比较大的女人 An older lady.
格洛丽亚… Gloria, Gloria?
格洛丽亚 是的 Gloria. yes.
当然看到了 Yeah, of course!
在哪里？ Where?
到处都是 Everywhere!
到处都是 Everywhere.
这么说 So?
-你觉得你的朋友能行吗？ -拉法吗？ -Think your friend's gonna deliver? -Rafa?
是 肯定的 Yeah, for sure.
你可以相信他 他很可靠 You can count on him. He's a solid guy.
你拿到了吗？ Did you get it?
拿到了 I did.
天呐 你太棒了 Damn, you're good!
-给你 -太好了 -Here. -Great!
动作真快 What an express courier, too!
-真是美妙的惊喜 -记得还给我 -What a nice surprise! -Be sure to give it back.
拜托… Please?
好的 OK!
从哪里弄来的？ Where did you get it?
是钙片 我厨房找到的 磨成份的 It's calcium. Found it in the kitchen and ground it.
搞什么？ What the fuck?
-我都跟你说了去找些真货 -我看着像毒枭吗？ -I told you to get some real shit! -Do I look like Pablo Escobar?
哇 Whoa!
天哪 我好怀念啊 My, how I missed that.
自从1995年后 I haven't done this since?
我就没碰过 1995?
天啊 My God.
只是…和以前的感受不大一样 It's just that?it used to hit me in a different way.
好吧 OK.
亲爱的小伙子们 My sweet boys!
你们想要我做什么？ What would you like to do with me then?
嗯… Well?
嗯？ Yeah?
我们想… We'd like to?
啪啪啪 have some sex.
哇 别猴急 Whoa, hold your horses!
你叫什么来着？ What's your name again?
拉法 Rafa.
拉法莱克 Rafaek.
你想对我做什么？ What would you like to do to me?
嗯… Well?
疯狂的姿势 Mad positions.
非常棒 哪种？ Awesome. Which ones?
从后面 From behind.
那是我的最爱 My favorite!
好 请示范一下 OK. Demonstrate how, please.
不 亲爱的 在他身上示范 No, love. Demonstrate on him.
什么？ What?
向我展示一下你打算在我身上怎么做 Just show me what you would do to me.
用他示范一下 Except on him.
-怎么做？ -给我看看 -How? -Just show me.
搞什么？你要干什么？ What the fuck? What are you doing?
等一下 Hang on a second.
-我们不做这种事的 -快点 小伙子们 -We do no such things. -Come on, boys!
等等 我们不做这种事的 Hang on, we do no such things!
这里又没其他人 对吧？ It's just between us, right?
我看过那些电影 结果总是很糟糕 I've seen those movies. It always ends up badly.
-你最爱的体位是哪种？ -我？ -What's your favorite position? -Mine?
他不碰我的那种 那种很好 The one where he's not touching me. That one's awesome.
好吧 OK.
但… But?
你们不要有压力 No pressure.
不 等等 No, wait!
我看得出… I see that?
这东西你很熟 you're quite handy with that.
你真是老手 You're a real pro.
你是摄影师啊？ So?You're a photographer?
不能算 只是个爱好 转移注意力 Not quite. It's more of a hobby, really. A distraction.
从哪里转移？ Distraction from what?
从现实中 From reality, I guess.
你今天拍了什么好照片吗？ Did you take any good photos today?
有啊 I did.
-那就让我瞧瞧 -不了 -Show me. -No.
-快给我看看 -不 -Come on, show me. -No.
还需要最后的润色 消除红眼之类的 They need some final touches. Red eye removal, things like that.
你是不是有什么瞒着我？ Are you trying to hide something from me?
没有 为什么这么说？ No, why?
你确定？ Are you sure?
是 我确定 Yes, I'm sure.
好 那我就猜猜 OK, let me take a guess here.
你… You?
是… are?
天秤座 a Libra.
天秤座 对 Libra, yeah.
-不错 运气好猜中了 -运气？ -Nice. A lucky guess. -Lucky guess?
要不你怎么会知道？ How else would you know?
不是运气 我会看人 No, no. I can read people.
我也会看你 And I read you, too.
你在坚强的外表下隐藏了很多 You're hiding a lot under your hard shell.
你还年轻 但你经历过… You're still young. But you've gone through?
一些… some?
关系 relationship.
不好的关系 A rough relationship.
这让你伤得很深 你到现在还不能释怀 Which cut you so deep that you still haven't gotten over it.
所以你很痛苦 不是因为哪个女孩 So you're suffering. Not because of a girl,
而是因为 but because of a relationship?
和你父母的关系 with your parents.
所以你一直在远离现实 So?you've been distancing yourself from the reality
你已经受够了 我说得对吗？ and you've had enough. How am I doing?
不错啊 这么厉害 但这很难 Not bad. I'm impressed. But it's difficult.
瞧 跟你说了 我有天赋 See, I told you. I have a gift!
好了 轮到我了 OK, my turn.
把你的手给我 长方型的手掌 Give me your hand. A rectangular palm?
手指细而短 with short, slender fingers.
好了 OK.
这是典型的火象座的手 This is a hand typical of someone who is fire.
极度个人主义者 脾气暴躁的个人主义者 Who is fiercely individualist. A quick-tempered individualist.
也许有点不耐烦 也许有点不宽容 Perhaps a little impatient. Perhaps a little intolerant.
-哦 天呐 -怎么了？ -Oh, boy. -What?
你的生命线断了 You have a broken life line.
所以你也有过一段 影响你生活选择的经历 So you also had an experience that impacted your life choices.
两个叉在这里 看到了吗？ And the two X's here?See?
这表示你可能经历了背叛 They indicate you may have experienced a personal betrayal.
你是水瓶座 And you are an Aquarius.
你怎么知道这些事的？ How did you know all this?
我也有天赋 I have a gift.
那话是怎么说的来着？ You know what they say?
水瓶座和天秤… Aquarius and Libra?
愿意自由地 tend to feel very free
表达性爱的欲望 in expressing their sexual desires.
-是吗？ -嗯 真可惜 -Is that so? -Um-hum. It's a shame.
谁知道在平行宇宙里会发生什么 Who knows what could happen in a parallel universe,
我们都是单身 where we are both single.
你准备好了吗？ Are you ready?
是的 Yes.
做什么？ For what?
点烟 For lighting up!
-你找什么？ -我忘了带打火机 -What are you looking for? -I forgot a lighter.
喂 可能这是一个预兆？ Well, maybe it's a sign?
我们不应该抽大麻 That we shouldn't smoke.
-你来点 -你先来 -Do the honors. -You go first.
来吧 这会让你放松 Come on, you'll loosen up.
我已经很放松了 I'm already loose, really.
我能看出你有多紧张 I see how tense you are.
拿着 Hold this.
这是什么？ What's this?
是把钥匙 Some kind of key.
靠边 Step aside.
哦 天啊 Oh, fuck.
你在做什么？ What are you doing?
别指着我 Stop pointing at me.
你不要这样 我不喜欢这样 Don't do that. I don't like it.
-别这样 -太好玩了 -Come on. -This is awesome!
我一直想开枪 I've always wanted to shoot.
你连怎么拿都不知道 要我拿给你看吗？ You don't even know how to hold it. Do you want me to show you?
你怎么会很懂枪？ How come you're a gun expert?
我爸爸教我的 My dad showed me the ropes.
我一直都想学 真巧 And I always wanted to learn. What a coincidence!
可能这根本不是巧合 Perhaps it isn't a coincidence.
瞄准那里 那个雪人 看起来很安全 Aim there. At that snowman. Seems safe.
这么说你喜欢安全？ So you prefer safe?
也不总是 Not always.
肩膀放直 Shoulders straight.
-像这样？ -是 -Like this? -Yes.
两脚分开 跟你的肩同宽 Feet at your shoulders' width.
像这样？ Like this?
嗯 Mm-hmm.
你可以放松… Here you can relax?
很好 Yes.
现在上膛 Now cock the gun.
现在… And now?
扣动扳机 Release the trigger.
很好 Very nice.
没错儿 拉法 You got it, Rafa!
-打他屁股 -什么？ -Slap him on the ass. -What?
打他 Slap him!
用力哦 很好 Harder! Oh, yeah!
抓住他的头发 Grab his hair.
我要 Yes!
菲利普 这就是宇宙想要的 Yes, Filip! It's what the universe wanted!
抱歉 Sorry.
怎么回事？ What was that?
太棒了 拉法 Great, Rafa!
好 继续做 来吧 OK, keep doing it, come on!
刚才怎么回事？ What was that?
你在做什么？ What are you doing?
-录像？ -不… -Recording? -No, no?
-删除 -是给你们的 -Delete it! -It's for you!
当然了 我会删掉的 好了 没了 Of course I'll delete it! Jesus. OK, it's off.
那继续吧 Continue.
安吉莉卡 遇见你是我生命中 最美好的事情 Angelica, you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
当我遇见你时… When I met you?
我的世界转了180度 my world turned 180 degrees.
永远地改变了 It changed forever.
你是最好的…我已经说过了 You're the best thing?Already said that?
我爱你 love you.
喂 妈妈？ Hello? Yes, Mom?
你说饿了什么意思？ 我给你做了三明治 What do you mean you're hungry? I made you sandwiches.
好 打开角落的壁橱 Okay. Open the corner shelf.
你会看到一个深绿色的锅 You'll find a deep green pot.
拿着那个锅 把饺子放进去 Take that, and drop pierogis in.
-呼叫四号司机 -操 -Driver 4, come in. -Fuck!
-你现在在哪里？ -我没说你 妈妈 抱歉 -Where are you? -Not you, Mom. Sorry.
啊 去他的 Ah, screw it.
求你们了 姑娘们 戴上这个 好吗？ Please, girls, put this on, will you?
来吧 这会让你大吃一惊 这首歌会大受欢迎 Come on, this will blow you away. It's gonna be a hit with a capital H!
不行 No way.
你不会后悔的 看着吧 You won't regret it, you'll see.
该死 又来了 她喝了酒就消失了 Fuck, here we go again. She drinks, then disappears!
你的小妞跑到别人的怀里了？ Your chick ran away into someone else's arms?
这种事绝对不会在我身上发生 阿纳斯塔西娅知道规矩 That could never happen to me. Anastasia knows her place.
发生什么了？ What happened?
靠 Fuck.
阿纳斯塔西娅 Anastasia!
哦 不 Oh, no.
哦 靠…马雷克 Oh, fuck?Marek!
哦 靠 Oh, fuck.
哦 不 Oh, no.
好吧 OK.
我马上就回来 哪儿都别去 I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere!
-嘿 -你好 -Hey! -Hi!
你听到那声“砰”响吗？ 那是什么声音？ Did you hear that bang? What was that?
什么砰响？我什么都没听到 也许德国人来了？ What bang? No, I heard nothing. Maybe the Germans are coming?
发生什么事了？ What happened here, man?
没事 Nothing.
他死了吗？ Is he dead?
是啊 你看他醉得像头死猪 Yes, he's dead drunk!
现在他在休息 And now he's resting!
天啊 这血… God, all this blood?
这是血吗？ Is this blood?
这是番茄酱 It's ketchup.
这说不通啊 This makes no sense.
什么叫说不通 What do you mean, no sense?
蕃茄酱 Ketchup.
披萨…葡萄酒 Pizza?Wine.
伏特加 Vodka.
就是这么醉的 是吗？马雷克 And that's how it ends. Right, Marek?
来 兄弟 来躺下睡一会儿 醒来就好了 Come, buddy. Let's lie down. You'll sleep it off.
-阿纳斯塔西娅 来吧 -我杀人了 -Anastasia, come along, will you? -I'm a killer.
我是个杀手 I'm a killer.
我们是不是该叫救护车啊？ Shouldn't we call an ambulance?
不 他只需要好好休息 No! He just needs to rest.
在永恒的平静中 阿门 In eternal peace. Amen.
你们俩有一种病态的幽默感 You two have a sick sense of humor.
姑娘 你还好吧？ Hey, girl! Are you OK?
-一切都好 -发生什么了？ -Everything's A-OK. -What happened?
我们只是在玩个游戏 We're just playing a game.
杰克逊·波洛克的画 我靠 Jackson Pollock! Holy fuck.
你什么毛病？ The fuck's wrong with you?
你想去坐牢？ Do you wanna go to prison?
不 这一切一定会有解释 No, no. There has to be an explanation.
对 我们刚经历了一个因果报应 Yes! We just experienced a moment of karmic connection.
本就该发生这种事的 This was all meant to happen.
这不是开玩笑 我们要处理这个大麻烦 This is no joke! We have a real fucking problem to deal with!
有什么问题？这正是宇宙想要的 What problem exactly? This is what the universe wanted.
用来测试我们潜在关系是不是牢固 A test of strength of our potential relationship.
别这样 Come on!
让我们回想一下每一步 Let's?let's retrace our steps.
你邀请我上楼 You invited me upstairs.
-不 -你给我拍了无数张照片 -No! -You took a gazillion pics of me.
菲利普 那不是艺术 那是前戏 Filip, that was no art. It was foreplay.
阿纳斯塔西娅 醒醒 水星的位置和这事儿无关 Anastasia! Wake up! The position of Mercury has nothing to do with it!
天鹰座和猎户座之间的角度 Neither does the angle of Betelgeuse to the constellation Aquila,
还有宇宙学的狗屁东西 都和这事儿无关 nor any other cosmological shit!
-是吗？ -是 -Oh yeah? -Yeah!
当你帮我看手相的时候 你看到了什么？ And when you read my palm, divining my life? What was that?
能量 我们的振动波发生了交换 Energy. We exchanged vibrations.
-这样说得通 -都是他 -It makes sense! -It was him.
他告诉我你的事 我知道你感觉受到了忽视 He told me about you. How you feel neglected.
乔丹只想着他的饶舌歌手的事业 完全忽视了你 How Jordan only thinks of his rapper's career, ignoring you.
说了你是多么的伟大 多么浩瀚无边 How cosmic and great you are.
所以我用了那些东西 我只是添油加醋了一番 So I used those things. I just spiced them up.
这些星座运势的狗屁东西 放哪儿都搭的上 With horoscope shit which could apply to anyone.
仅此而已 都是胡说八道 明白吗？只是胡说八道 That's it. It was all bullshit. Got it? Just bullshit!
水瓶座 Aquarius!
你怎么知道我是水瓶座的？ How did you know I was Aquarius?
我怎么知道？我是猜的 Fuck if I know! I just guessed.
而且我妈也是水瓶座 Plus, my mother's an Aquarius, too.
你知道吗？你让我想起了她 And you know what? You remind me of her.
你们都是疯子 You're the same kind of whack!
鬼才信 骗子 Liar. You're a liar.
对不起 我只是想骗你上床 I'm sorry, I just wanted to fuck you.
你这个王八蛋 你怎么能这样？ You dickhead! How could you?!
宇宙为什么要如此欺骗我？ 我在我周围看到了各种征兆 Why would the universe trick me so? I saw all the signs around me!
-静一静 -放开我 -Calm down! -Let go of me!
格洛丽亚 Gloria!
亲爱的 我们要好好款待你一下 Have we got a treat for you, honey!
迷幻蘑菇
两升伏特加
乔拉 给他再多来点 More, Jola, give him more!
过来 甜心派 Come here! Come, sweetie pie!
你们真好 但我必须拒绝 It's really nice of you, but I have to say no.
先知们谴责婚外性行为 这是罪… The prophets condemned extramarital sex as sinful?
耶稣 玛丽和约瑟夫 Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
好 我先来 OK, I'll go first!
安静 闭嘴 也许你说得对 这一切都是有原因的 Quiet. Keep quiet! Maybe you're right and all this happened for a reason.
-也许会有好事发生 -你无法再骗我了 -Some good may happen yet. -You won't trick me again.
你这么说是因为你觉得我疯了 You're saying that 'cause you think I'm crazy!
不 你认真想一想 No, think about it.
也许在平行宇宙里没有出错 Maybe in a parallel universe nothing went wrong.
什么？ What?
也许在那儿 我们还在那间办公室里 抽着大麻 你在笑话我 Maybe in there we're still in that office, smoking the joint, you're laughing at me,
我也在笑 I'm laughing, too.
也许马雷克还活着 派对还在进行 一切都好 Maybe Marek's still alive, the party's going on, all is OK.
在这种情况下？看 And this situation? Look.
这只是最黑暗的场景 显然是假想的 This is just the darkest scenario, clearly hypothetical.
看见没？ Do you see?
你疯了 You're insane!
我疯了？你才疯了呢 I'm insane? It's you who's wacko!
噢 嗨 马雷克 Oh, hi Marek!
好吧 喂 Well, hello!
我得告诉乔丹 I need to tell Jordan.
不 不要 你不用告诉他 No, don't! You don't need to!
靠 Fuck.
他没硬起来 He's got no hard-on.
也许他是同性恋 Perhaps he's gay!
好吧 喂 Well, hello!
-别动 -不要 -Freeze! -Don't!
混账东西 Motherfucker.
-我该走了 -把衣服脱了 -Good day. -Take this off.
不 好吧 好 No, no?Fine. OK.
哦 耶 Oh yeah!
我们不只是这么玩的 跟他到床上去 We're not just playing around here! On the bed with him!
他是我的 I call dibs!
不 乔拉 他是我的 No dibs, Jola! He's mine!
四号司机 你在哪里？ Driver 4, where are you?
靠 Fuck!
我们这里有很多订单 We have a zillion orders here for you.
四号司机 回来 白痴 Driver 4, come in, you moron.
四号司机 你到底在哪儿？ Driver 4, where the fuck are you?
乔丹 Jordan!
你有没看到那个订披萨的家伙？ Say, have you seen the guy who's paying for the pizzas?
不好意思 你有没看到那个订披萨的家伙？ Excuse me, have you seen the guy who's paying for the pizzas?
麻烦一下 Excuse me!
你有没看到那个订披萨的家伙？ Have you seen the guy who's paying me for the pizzas?
你的头发很软 Your hair is so soft!
像丝绸一样 Like silk.
不 No!
像泰迪熊一样 Like teddy bears.
听着 Listen!
那个订披萨的家伙在哪儿？ Where's the guy paying for the pizzas?
如果你要吃这个 你应该喝很多水 You should really drink lots of water if you're gonna take this.
二氧化碳？ CO?
不 一氧化二氢 No, HO.
我不是开玩笑 Look, I'm not kidding.
如果你吃摇头丸 你应该喝很多水 If you take ecstasy, you should drink tons of water.
在这么热的地方 你的体温会超过危险极限 In a place this hot, your body temperature will increase over the danger limit.
再加上大量饮酒 血压会下降 Combined with vigorous alcohol intake, your blood pressure will drop
心率也会加快 and your heart rate will accelerate.
这会给你的大脑造成永久性损伤 Which can then cause permanent damage to your brain.
明白吗？ Do you understand?
这你在喝吗？ Are you drinking this?
来 全喝下去 Here, drink it all up!
我好热 I think I'm burning!
我警告过你的 Well, I warned you.
-拜托 -现在不行 -Come on. -Not now!
他们在放我的歌 阿纳斯塔西娅 They're playing my song! Anastasia!
嘿 老妹 你在做蛋糕？ Hey, sis. Are you baking a cake?
不 这可不是一般的东西 No. This is something different.
我把你的那个朋友铐在床上 I cuffed that friend of yours to the bed.
现在我要在他身上抹点鲜奶油 Now I'm gonna rub some whipped cream on him.
然后我会把香蕉塞进他的… Then I'll shove a banana right up his?
好了 别说了 信息量太大 Alright, stop! Too much information.
你也应该换点新鲜的 You should also try something new for a change.
我说得对吗 安吉拉？ Am I right, Angela?
什么对吗？ Right about what?
我是说 他可以在你的主卧室里玩些新鲜的 The way he could introduce some kink into your master bedroom.
我是说你的集体宿舍 I mean, your bunk-bed dorm room.
找个危险的地方跟她做爱 比如墓地 Bang her in a dangerous location. Like a cemetery.
嘿 老妹 我的性生活跟你无关 Hey, sis! Our sex life is none of your biz.
我只是想为你们伸出援手 Just trying to lend a helping hand.
不劳您费心了 谁知道你的手伸向哪里 Forget it. Who knows where it's been.
随便了 再见 没用的家伙 Whatever. See ya! Losers!
你没事吧？ Are you all right?
我只是需要透透气 I just need some fresh air.
好 OK.
你好 Hi.
又见面了 Hello again!
嘿 Hey.
你们俩到底在玩什么？ What kind of game are you two playing, really?
你还是别知道为妙 You don't wanna know.
也许我想知道 Perhaps I'd like to.
也许你想… Or perhaps you'd like to?
-什么？ -…跟我一起？ -What? -Join me?
三人行？ In a threesome? Huh?
该死 现在不是时候 Shit, this is kind of bad timing.
房间里还有谁？ Who else do you have in there?
什么？ What?
也许我该加入你们？ Maybe I should be joining you?
耶稣 Jesus
莫里布斯 Mribus!
嘿… Hey?
-你在干什么？我的孩子 -耶稣？ -What are you doing, son? -Jesus?
你为什么要放弃我？ Why have you forsaken me?
请等一下 Just one moment!
上帝创造了男女性生物 怎么可以禁止性？ God himself created different sexes. How can sex be wrong?
那言语、思想和行为上的贞操 怎么说？ What about the idea of chastity in word, thought and deed?
但我脑袋里只能听到一个声音 But I hear only one thing in my head.
“操她” "Bang her!"
来 让我看看 Come on, let me see.
-你在干什么？ -什么？我们跳舞吧 来吧 -What are you doing? -What? Let's dance. Come on.
这算什么？前戏吗？ What is it? Foreplay?
我无法给你我的祝福 I cannot give you my blessing
因为你想做的这些事情 for all the things you desire to do here.
但我也不能禁止这些事情 But I cannot forbid them, either.
我相信你会选择得当 I am certain you will choose aptly.
马雷克在哪里？ Where's Marek?
马雷克 Marek?
真恶心 Gross.
你干嘛？ The fuck are you doing?
你疯了吗？ Are you fucking nuts?!
-让我出去 -我们不是故意的 -Let me out of here! -We didn't mean to!
-你杀了马雷克 -是意外 -You killed Marek! -Accidentally!
放开我 笨蛋 Let me out, you idiot!
-靠 -别叫 -Fuck! -Keep quiet!
闭嘴 Shut up!
嘿 姑娘们 Hey, girls!
-你好 -你们见过那个叫披萨的人吗？ -Well, hello! -Have you seen the guy?who ordered the pizzas?
闭嘴 Hush! Quiet!
如果我迟到一小时 所有披萨都免费 nd if I'm an hour late, all the pizzas are free.
那我的老板肯定会开除我 Then my boss is sure going to fire me,
那样我就完了 因为我付不起神经药理学的学费 and I'm screwed because I can't afford my neuropharmacology tuition.
神经…什么？ Neuro?what?
幽灵学 Fafalogy.
我只是无法继续帮我妈妈 It's just that I won't be able to keep helping my mom.
我无法再给她擦一年屁股了 And I can't go another year wiping her ass!
他爱他的妈妈 He loves his mommy!
放松 披萨脸 马雷克在里面 Relax, pizza face. Marek's in there.
-在里面？ -嗯 -In there? -Um-hum.
谢谢 姑娘们 Thanks, girls.
-马利诺夫斯基先生？怎么了？ -你的公寓怎么了？ -Mr. Malinowski? What's up? -What's happening in your apartment?
管理员打电话来 说有烟从你的窗户冒出来 The janitor called about smoke coming out your windows!
没什么 先生 我只是烤焦了一些吐司 It's nothing, sir, I just burned some toast.
一切正常 Everything's under control.
你好 我是杰西卡 帮你打飞机只要十块钱 Hello, Jessica here. I'll polish your tool for just ten zloty.
搞什么鬼？什么打飞机？ Fucking hell! Hello? What tool?
别出声 Keep quiet!
这是怎么回事？ What the fuck's going on?!
嘿 Hey!
奥利维亚？你怎么了？ Oliwia? What's with you?!
-拜托 姑娘们 -耶稣？ -Girls, please. -Jesus?
他要吐在我们所有人身上 He's gonna puke on all of us!
等等 Wait up!
嘿 Hey!
这是谁呀？ Who do we have here?
喂 Hello?
耶稣？耶稣在哪儿？ Jesus?Where is Jesus?
我不知道 I don't know.
耶稣？ Jesus?
我能怎么帮你？ What can I do?
告诉我 我能怎么帮你？ What can I do? Tell me!
这怎么用的？ How does this work?
耶稣？ Jesus?
该死 Fucking hell.
耶稣？ Jesus?
耶稣 拜托 Jesus, please
耶稣？ Jesus?
哦 你在这儿 Oh, here you are.
妈妈 家里怎么会有烟？ Mom, why is there smoke in our hose?
我都照你说的做了 I did everything you told me.
我把饺子放进了锅里 然后打开了炉子 I put pierogi in the pot and turned on the stove.
但现在有大火 But now there's a huge fire!
浇些水上去 Throw some water on it!
算了 你们离开房间吧 听到了吗？ Never mind, get out of there! Do you hear me?
喂 妈妈 Hello! Mom?
糟糕 妈妈 Shit! Mom!
靠 Shit.
马雷克 先生？ Marek, sir?
马雷克先生 一切还好吗？ Marek, sir, is everything OK?
我靠 Oh, fuck.
靠 Holy shit.
你有没有见到吉他？ Have you seen a guitar anywhere?
那里 It's over there.
靠 Fuck!
四号司机 你在哪里？ Driver 4, where are you?
我们可以有请您的尊驾回来吗？ Would Your Highness bless us with your presence here?
-我收到钱了 马上回来 -不用急 -I've got the money. I'm on my way. -No need to rush.
格洛丽亚？ Gloria?
别误会 It's not what it looks like.
闹腾什么呢？ What's going on here?
-没什么 -是她逼我们的 -Nothing! -She made us do it!
嘿 宝贝 Hey, babe!
格洛丽亚 我在跳舞?我在到处找你 Gloria! I'm dancing, looking for you,
你却跟这两个王八蛋在鬼混 while you fuck around with these?
你在跳舞？ You were dancing?
-什么？ -走吧 我们去跳舞吧 宝贝 -What? -Come on. Let's go dancing, babe.
-不 我只是想… -来吧 -No, I just wanted to?-Come on.
-我们走 宝宝 -格洛丽亚 嘿 -Let's go, babe. -Gloria! Hey!
这是怎么回事儿？ What was that about?
格洛丽亚 我们得谈谈 Gloria, we need to talk!
-你傻吗？ -别紧张 -Are you nuts? -Don't be so uptight.
紧张？你背着我和人上床 Uptight? You're fucking other guys behind my back!
什么？我没有跟任何人上床 就算有的话 你为什么在乎？ Pardon? I wasn't fucking anybody. And if I did, why do you care?
我为什么在乎？ Why do I care?
因为我们在拍拖 I care because we're dating.
我们没有拍拖 We're not dating.
-那我们在做什么？ -跳舞啊 -What are we doing then? -Dancing.
拉倒吧 Fuck this.
我们在拍拖 因为我爱你 We are dating because I love you.
别这么说 保罗 Don't say that, Pawe.
怎么了？这是实话 我爱你 Why? It's true, I love you.
-你为什么不能接受呢？ -你比我年轻17岁 -Why can't you accept that? -You're 17 years younger than me!
那又怎样？这样的夫妻有很多 So what? There are many such couples.
比如阿什顿·库彻和黛米·摩尔 Like Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.
结果呢？ And how did that end?
麦当娜和盖·瑞奇 杰斯和碧昂丝 Madonna and Guy Ritchie! Jay-Z and Beyonc茅!
或是摩纳哥的夏琳公主和艾伯特王子 Or Princess Charlene of Monaco and Prince Albert!
-你怎么知道这些名字？ -我搜了一下 -How do you even know about them all? -I googled them.
天呐 格洛丽亚 这不是重点 Jesus, Gloria, that's not the point.
重点是 他们都很开心或者曾经开心过 The point here is?they all were, or have been, happy.
我也能让你开心 亲爱的 因为我爱你 And I can make you happy too, honey, because I love you.
-拜托 -我爱你 -For God's sake?-I love you.
你就不能让我跳舞吗？ He won't fucking let me dance!
你去哪儿啊？ Where are you going?
格洛丽亚 Gloria!
-麻烦让让 -只是你不敢 -Excuse me. -You're just afraid.
你处在中年危机 情绪发泄在我身上 You're having some midlife crisis bullshit and putting it on me!
你真的要我告诉你17岁的年龄差距 意味着什么 Do you really want me to tell you what a 17-years age gap means?
现在你觉得很好玩 Now you think it's nice and fun.
-你喜欢和熟女在一起 -不 -You love being with a MILF. -No!
哦 是的 你体验了最棒的性爱 Oh yes! You had the best sex of your life,
这是你从同龄女生那里得不到的 which you probably wouldn't get from any girls your age.
-而你误以为那就是爱 -不是这样的 -And you take that for love. -Not at all!
-你喜欢拿和我上床吹牛 -我没有 我尊重你 我爱你 -You like to brag about banging me. -I don't. I respect you, I love you.
随便啦 靠 Yeah, yeah. Fuck!
你想要跟我生孩子吗？ Do you want to have kids with me?
我想的 I do. I do want it.
很好 Wonderful.
那九个月后 如果我们幸运的话 Then in nine months, if we're lucky,
我们会有个儿子 名叫… we'll have a son named, say?
克尔兹… Krzy艣?
然后我们就是开心的家庭了 and we'll be one happy family.
整夜给宝宝换尿布 喂奶 哄他睡觉 但我们会成功的 会很棒的 All-night baby changing, feeding, lulling. But we'll make it, it'll be great.
八年后你就30岁了 而我过了50 In eight years you'll be 30, and I'll be past 50.
我的胸部会下垂 体重会增加 皱纹一天比一天多 My tits get saggy, I gain weight, I get more wrinkly by the day.
我会有白头发 会变丑 不再吸引你了 I go gray, ugly?I'm not attractive to you anymore.
然后你会去找一个 也许叫卡西亚的小妞 So you go and find some chick, say, Kasia,
背着我和她上床 to fuck on the side.
你总是在外面 你的孩子整天见不着你 You're out of home all the time. Your kid misses you.
我为了保护你 帮你跟他撒谎 I'm covering for you to protect you.
然后我抑郁了 我不再是可爱的年轻妈妈 Plus, I get depressed, I'm not a sweet young mama anymore.
我们经常吵架 We fight constantly.
孩子会听到的 担心我会伤害他最亲爱的爸爸 The kid can hear it and gets worried that I'm hurting his dearest daddy.
在你看来 和卡西亚开创新的生活 变得更有吸引力 And to you, the vision of a new life with Kasia seems much more attractive.
所以你离开我 保罗 So you leave me, Pawe!
那孩子想跟你在一起 因为他觉得我是个坏妈妈 The kid wants to stay with you, because he thinks I'm a bad mother.
我永远不会原谅自己 明白吗？ I'll never forgive myself for it! Got it?
要成为伟大的人 To be great?
就是要坚持 is to go on.
坚持… To go on?
才能走得远 is to go far.
要走得远 To go far?
就得勇敢 is to be brave.
幼稚的混蛋 Childish prick!
瞧瞧你 Just look at you!
把你画得不错吧？ Aren't you painted nice?
帮帮我 这两个是疯了 我要噎死了 HELP ME! THESE TWO ARE MAD! I'M GONNA CHOKE TO DEATH!
-他在说什么？ -“我要做爱” -What is he saying? -"I wanna fuck."
不 “我要噎死了”？ Not "I'm gonna choke"?
别说傻话 Don't be ridiculous!
我要噎死了 I'M GONNA CHOKE!
耐心点 给我们一点时间 小情人 Patience! Give us a sec, lover boy.
我们用这个 Let's use this.
拿这头才对 The right end up!
什么？ WHAT?!
高一点 Go a little up.
天父 我有罪 请原谅我 Dear Father, forgive me for I have sinned.
我骗了我的主教去参加派对 I lied to my bishop and went to a party.
我和两个女人上床了 I had an amazing sex with two women.
十几年来 我的童贞一直是我的骄傲 For over a decade my virginity was my pride.
但做爱太棒了 应该珍惜 而不是禁止 But having sex is so awesome. It should be cherished, not forbidden.
我选择了新的道路 I've chosen a new path.
从现在开始 我要享受性爱 I'm going to celebrate sex from now on.
我要成为床上高手 I'm gonna be the best at it!
求你了 天父 请给我一个征兆 Please, Father, give me a sign.
过来 Come here.
我听从了宇宙中所有的征兆 I followed all the teaching on the universe.
我听从了宇宙的召唤和征兆 I listened to its calls and signals.
我考虑了那些照片 那些调情 I thought that the photos, the flirting,
我们灵魂的亲和力和我们的经历… the affinity of our souls and our experiences?
两个破碎的东西 能组合成一个完整的东西 that two broken pieces made a whole!
这是什么意思？ What does that mean?
如果还有其他破碎的碎片呢？ What if there are more pieces?
菲利普是不是有罪的肉体？ Is Filip the likeness of sinful flesh?
菲利普是谁？ Who's Filip?
所有的血 所有的性爱、谎言和枪支 All the blood?All the sex, lies, and guns!
我配不上我女神的纯洁 I'm unworthy of the purity of my goddess.
我吃了辨识善恶树上的禁果 I bit into the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
我被骗了 I was lured by deception!
阿纳斯塔西娅 你能告诉我发生了什么吗？ Anastasia! Can you tell me what happened already?
我是被恶魔操纵的傀儡 I am a puppet, and the devil is pulling my strings.
天呐 Dear God.
他在我身上释放了他的怒火 明白吗？ He's unleashed his fury upon me, you see?
我明白 Yeah, I see.
这是对我不忠的处罚 It's a penance for my infidelity.
-我住在罪恶之城蛾摩拉 -蛾摩拉 拉拉拉 -I'm living in Gomorrah! -Gomorrah?Rha-rha-rha-rha?
我被指引到下流的自我觉醒的道路上 I'm guided through the path of indecent self awareness.
但没有 到最后真相会让恶魔出来 亲爱的 But no! In the end, the truth will let the demons out, love.
不能再让无辜者的血因我而洒 No more blood of the innocents shall be spilled by my hand!
我之前不应该对你不忠 I shouldn't have been unfaithful to you.
你不应该… You shouldn't have been?
你不应该什么？你做了什么？ You shouldn't have been what? You did what?
你说了什么？ What did you say?
大家听着 我有话要说 Can I have your attention for a moment, please?
我有重要的话 要对一个非常特别的人说 I have something important to say to a very special person.
大家静一静 谢谢 May I? Thanks.
嘿 把音乐开响点 Hey, turn up the bloody music!
我不会浪费大家太多时间 It's not gonna take long.
我想请一个人上来 The person I'd like to invite to join me
我的女友安吉莉卡 is my lovely girlfriend Angelica.
安吉莉卡 Angelica!
请上来 Join me, please.
安吉莉卡 Angelica?
丹尼尔 我们先谈一下 Daniel, let's talk first.
差不多一年前 我第一次见你 The first time I met you almost a year ago,
你看起来美极了 you looked so beautiful.
我从不相信一见钟情 I'd never believed in love at first sight
但我立刻知道你是我的真命天女 but I instantly knew you were the one
我想和你共度余生 I wanted to live the rest of my life with.
我爱上了 I fell in love
你的眼睛 with your eyes.
爱上了你从一个房间 走到另一个房间的方式 With the way you walk from room to room.
爱上了你睡觉时的样子 With how you look when you sleep.
当我看着你的眼睛 我能看到我们的未来 When I look into your eyes, I can see our future.
我能看到我们白头偕老 I can see us growing old together,
在今后的50、60、70甚至更多年里 互相惹对方 annoying each other for the next 30, 40, 50 years, perhaps even more.
直到你的头发变白了 我的头发掉光了 我们的牙齿都没了 Until your hair is gray, my hair is gone and our teeth fall out.
当我看着你的时候 When I look at you?
我能从你身上看到我自己的一部分 I can see a part of myself in you.
而这部分的你我永远不想放弃 In that part of you I don't ever want to let go.
我爱你 I love you.
安吉莉卡 Angelica,
亲爱的… my love--
等一下 让我说完 Hang on, let me finish.
我对你的爱如熊熊烈火 My love for you burns brightly.
-安吉莉卡… -请别跪下 -Angelica?-Please don't kneel.
你愿意嫁给我吗？ Will you marry me?
-安吉莉卡 -对不起 -Angelica?-I'm sorry.
安吉莉卡 Angelica!
-那真糟 -非常糟 -Bummer. -Not good.
酷 That's cool.
真是遗憾啊 Tough luck.
我们继续派对 Let's party on!
你死定了 王八蛋 You're dead, motherfucker!
喂 安吉莉卡？你在里面吗？ Hello, Angelica? Are you in there?
这是什么该死的似曾经历的感觉吗？ This is some dj fucking vu!
你这该死的蟑螂 You fucking cockroach!
保罗 等等 Pawe, wait!
你和我爱的女人上床 You're fucking the woman I love!
别这样 Leave him alone!
别这么说 你对此事一无所知 Quit saying that! You don't know shit about it!
你错了 我知道爱情 格洛丽亚 You're wrong. I do know love, Gloria.
-我们可以一起创造我们的未来 -别说了 -I can see our future together. -Stop it.
未来50年 、60年、70年 我们可以一起变老 I see us growing old together for the next 30 or 40 years.
-什么？ -也许更久 -What? -Perhaps even more.
直到你的头发变白 我的头发没了 我们的牙齿掉光了 Until your hair is gray, my hair is gone, and our teeth fall out, you know?
牙齿吗？ Teeth?
我是说 我只是想告诉你 I mean?I just wanted to tell you:
我不会让你因为和路人甲上床 毁了我们的关系 I won't let you fuck up our relationship by screwing random assholes.
耶稣？ Jesus?
因为我爱你 格洛丽亚 Because I love you, Gloria.
我不会离开你 And I'm not gonna leave you.
永远不会 Ever.
搞什么鬼？ What the fuck?
-菲利普 你在这里干什么？ -我在这里干什么？ -Filip? What are you doing here? -What am I doing here?
你在这里干什么？ What are you doing here?
-你多大了？ -你没事吧？ -How old are you? -Are you OK?
这个家伙到底是谁？他多大？ Who the fuck is he? And his age?
可惜他都能当你儿子了 He could be your son! Unfortunately,
我是你儿子 I am your son.
-亲爱的 -你跟所有我的同龄人上床 -Honey! -You're fucking all the guys my own age!
你没有仁慈 你毁了我的生活… You're merciless. You're ruining my life--
别这样跟你妈妈说话 Don't talk to your mother like that!
她为你付出那么多 She sacrificed so much for you!
你知道你爸爸在背后 跟卡西亚上床吗？ You know your dad was a cheater?
嘿 Hey!
-难道不是吗？ -抱歉 冷静一下 -Isn't it true? -I'm sorry, calm down.
他在说什么？ What is he talking about?
你的父亲是个好父亲 但他是个糟糕的丈夫 He was a good father to you, but he was a terrible husband.
那你怎么没告诉我？ Then why didn't you ever tell me?
我不想让你伤心 I didn't want to traumatize you.
-什么？ -菲利普 -What?! -Filip!
放松些 Take it easy.
那太他妈棒了 妈妈 That's fucking great, Mom.
请大家冷静 Everybody, calm down.
恭喜 他妈的干得好 Congratulations! Great fucking job!
别担心 儿子 会没事的 Don't worry, son. It's gonna be alright.
-你说什么？ -菲利普?儿子 -What did you say? -Filip, son--
儿子 放过他 Hey! Leave him alone!
保罗 Pawe!
菲利普 拜托 Filip, please!
菲利普 Filip?!
你睡了阿纳斯塔西娅？混蛋 You banged Anastasia?! Motherfucker!
你这该死的 You dumb shit!
看看现在谁该死？ Who's looking dumb now?
嗯？ Huh?
耶稣… Christ?
为什么性爱这么复杂？ why is sex so complicated?
我告诉你 我的孩子 I told you, my son.
爱情是和平与宽恕的基础 Love is the foundation of peace and forgiveness.
专注于你内心的平静 Focus on your inner peace,
你们都会找到安慰 和人生中最重要的东西 you will find both solace and the most important thing in life.
-那就是爱 -耶稣 -Love. -Jesus?
-你也看到他了吗？ -什么？ -You see him too? -What?
安吉莉卡 Angelica?
怎么了？ what's wrong?
我很抱歉戒指的事情 I'm sorry about the ring thing.
抱歉 我当着大家… 你不喜欢那戒指吗？ Sorry I did it in public?Didn't you like the ring or something?
我以为这是我们俩想要的 不是吗？ I thought it was just what we both wanted. Isn't it?
我知道我想要 I know I want it.
“想要” 操 我也想要东西 而你不给我 "Want, want"! Fuck, I want something, too! And you don't give it to me!
你想要什么？ What is it, though?
你想要什么我都给你 你在说什么呀？ I give you everything you wish! What are you saying?
问题是你什么都不给我 走开 The thing is you don't give me anything! Go away!
-哦 不 安吉莉卡… -“哦 是的 安吉莉卡” -Oh no, Angelica-- -"Oh yes, Angelica!"
-你还是走吧 -我不走 -Just go! -No way.
你刚说了些话 告诉我是什么意思 You said something. Now tell me what you meant!
走开 Just go away!
告诉我 我不给你什么？ Tell me, what don't I give you?
-因为我不明白 -天啊… -Because I don't understand. -Oh my?
安吉莉卡 请开门 我们谈谈吧 Angelica, please open the door. Let's talk about it.
你的床上功夫太烂了 丹尼尔 You fucking suck in bed, Daniel!
剧情反转 Plot twist!
你是最烂的 You're just the worst.
你都不知道 怎么像个男人一样来占有我 You don't even know how to take me like a man,
你都不知道怎么舔我 don't know how to go down on me!
你就只会三种姿势 You always fuck me in the same three positions!
传教士式 狗式体位 Missionary or doggy style.
不是经典的方式就是后庭开花 Either the classic way or from behind.
那是你想象的极限 That's the limit of your imagination!
丹尼尔 这太可悲了 Daniel, this is just pathetic!
太可悲了 Pathetic!
让我进来 这边有人 Let me in, people are here.
去他的 让大家知道 Well, fuck it! Let everybody know!
大家好啊 Hello, people!
床上功夫最烂的男人在这里 他的名字叫丹尼尔 The Man Who Sucks In Bed The Most is here! His name's聽Daniel!
请让我进去 Please, let me in!
最糟糕的是 And the fucking worst part is
你从来没让我高潮过 that you never made me come.
一次都没有 明白吗？ Not once. Got it?
什么？我让你高潮过一千次 What? I made you come a thousand times.
他妈一千次 A thousand fucking times!
一千次 A thousand times!
当然 一万次 为什么不是一亿次？ Sure, a million, a trillion, why the fuck not?
听着 丹尼尔 我真的觉得你是个好人 Look, Daniel, I really think that you're a nice guy, you know?
真的 Really!
听这话你很伤心 说这话同样让我很伤心 And it hurts me to say this as much as it hurts you to hear it.
但是 丹尼尔 你… But, Daniel, you are just?
只是个娘炮 a fucking pussy!
你还不明白吗？ Did you finally get the message?
先生们 女士们?我向你们隆重介绍 世界上最怂的娘炮 Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: the world's biggest and warmest pussy!
你听到了吗？ Do you hear me?
丹尼尔？ Daniel?
你完蛋了 你这个垃圾 你被开除了 You are done, you worthless degenerate. You're fired!
我马上回来 你这个白痴 I'm coming back right now. I'm coming, you fucking moron!
你听好了 你这个傻瓜 你什么都不是 一无是处?行尸走肉 Listen to me closely, you dimwit: You're nothing, a nobody, a walking zero.
没用的负担 混蛋… A useless burden! A goatfuck--
-喂 -整个房子都起火了 -Hello! -The whole fucking house is on fire!
-那我妈呢？她安全吗？ -损失数百万 -What about my mom? Is she safe? -The amount of damage! It's millions!
我妈妈呢 她没事吧？ But where is my mom? Is she fucking OK?
谁在乎？整个街区都起火了 Who gives a fuck? The whole block's on fire!
唯一 一个稍微在乎 The only person who gives one shred of fuck
你这个脑残的人 about a pointless imbecile like you
是你的妈妈 is your mommy.
所以你干嘛不帮大家一个忙 So why don't you just do everyone a big favor
自杀算了？ and kill yourself?
操你妈 听见吗？ Fuck you! Do you hear me?
操你妈 Fuck you!
不知道你有没听说 但这事儿不怪我
是那个老女人叫我干的 你在哪儿？
-别他妈碰我 -我没碰你 -Don't fucking touch me. -I wasn't touching you!
没有吗？那刚才是谁的手？ No? So whose hand was it just now?
-我的手 是你碰我的 -我… -Mine, and yours was touching it! -I?
我没有碰你 I didn't touch you!
你这基佬 You homo.
-你叫谁基佬？ -我叫你基佬 -Who are you calling homo, man? -I'm calling you homo, pal.
-我不是基佬 -你是的 -I'm not homo, buddy! -You are.
-我不是 -我觉得你是 -I'm not! -Well, I think you are.
-你知道吗？ -什么？ -You know what? -What?
基佬 Homo!
让我清净会儿 Leave me the fuck alone!
滚开 Fuck off!
离我远点 Get away from me!
耶稣 Jesus.
纸杯蛋糕… Cupcake?
我是个娘炮 是吧？ I'm a pussy, is that right?
我是个死娘炮 I'm a fucking pussy?!
靠 Fuck!
安吉莉卡 Angelica!
我是娘炮？ I'm a pussy?
我是个死娘炮 是吧？ I'm a fucking pussy, is that right?
不 No, no!
离我家人远点 Stay away from my family!
你们俩是一家的？ Are you two family?
放开他 Get off him!
-冷静点 孩子 -别管我叫“孩子” -Calm down, son. -Don't call me "son"!
靠 Fuck!
谁杀了马雷克？ Who killed Marek?
嘿 拉法 你干嘛？ Hey, Rafa, what's this?
靠 Fuck!
他们会暂停新年庆祝 你会看到的 They'll hold the New Year off, you'll see.
嘿 Hey!
我们错过了吗？ Did we miss it?
我的乳房假体 是爸爸送的 My implants! They were a gift from Daddy!
我是个娘炮 对吗？ I'm a fucking pussy, is that right?
娘炮 对吗？ A fucking pussy, yes?
丹尼尔 Daniel!
你这混蛋 You motherfucker!
你这个该死的婊子 You fucking whore!
女士们 先生们 Ladies and gentlemen?
十 九 Ten! Nine!
八 Eight!
七 Seven!
六 Six!
五 Five!
四 三 Four! Three!
丹尼尔 Daniel!
二 Two!
一 One!
新年快乐 Happy New Year!
格洛丽亚 Gloria!
她杀了他 She killed him
耶稣 我们把这事儿做个了结吧 Jesus, let's finish this
格洛丽亚 Oh, fuck?
乔丹 Jordan?
乔丹 宝贝 Jordan, baby.
化学是对物质的研究 Chemistry is the study of matter.
但我更喜欢把这门科学 But I prefer to see this branch of science
作为对一切的研究 as a study of everything.
我们都是由原子组成的元素 We're all elements, composed by atoms,
根据某些属性分类并分成组 categorized and divided into groups according to certain properties:
我们彼此互动结合 We interact and bond with each other,
产生化学反应 creating chemical reactions.
有些物质不相容 Some substances do not go together,
所以不能互相反应 so they cannot react with each other.
其他的可以 结果会造成原子的重新排列 Others do react, which results in our atoms rearranging
形成新的结合物 and forming new bonds.
新的物质 New products.
没有能量 这些化学反应就不可能实现 And none of these chemical reactions would be possible without the energy,
能量以热、光、 电和机械力的形式存在 in the form of heat, light, electricity or mechanical force.
这就是生命的循环 That is the circle of life.
元素一直在跳舞 It's rise and decline.
对生命的狂喜做出反应 Over and over again.
附言： PS:
我对我妈妈的老年痴呆症 提出了一个假想 I developed a hypothesis for my mom's Alzheimer's.
这只是个理论 我做不起实验室测试 It's just a theory, I couldn't afford laboratory tests.
现在我被退学了 所以… And now I'd be thrown out of school, so?
不客气 you're welcome.
我把它放在这里 让所有人都能找到 Here it is for somebody to find.
我希望你把它用来做好事 I hope you use it for the greater good.
也许现在所有人都会记得我 Maybe now everyone will remember me.
好了 吊死在这里的是谁？ OK, so who's the Elvis here again?
没谁知道 Nobody knows.
可惜他没留字条、留言什么的 Damn, it's a pity he didn't leave a note, a message, anything.
好了 Oh, well.
我们在这里的工作结束了 We're done here.
什么叫结束了？ What do you mean, done?
这么多披萨话题让我饿了 All this pizza talk got me hungry.
等一下 这可不对 Wait a second. This is not right!
格雷戈里… Grzegorz?
你越早把旧衣服脱了 The sooner you let go of old clothes,
你就越早会找到一件新的 the sooner you'll find new ones.
-衣服？ -算了 -Clothes? -Never mind.
恭喜你的第一个案子 Congratulations on your first case.
-谢谢 -非常棒 -Thank you. -Awesome.
有好多种园 There are good ships and wood ships,
花园、果园和橡胶园 battle ships and rocket ships,
但最好的是喜结良缘 but the best kind of ships are relationships.
-什么？ -戒指 -What? -The rings.
放松 Relax!
现在我宣布你们结为夫妇 I now pronounce you husband and wife.
阿门 Amen!
我爱你 I love you.
我爱… And I love--
看着我们的儿子长大 Look at our boy growing up.
我爱你们 基佬 I love you, homo!
给 宝贝 Here you go, baby.
谢谢 Thanks.
-你还需要其他什么吗？ -一些空间？ -Do you need anything else? -Some space?
总是关于我、我、我 It's always all about me, me, me!
我都快闷死了 You're suffocating me!
在平行宇宙里 所有这些都会不同 In a parallel universe all of this would be different.
会更加刺激 It would be more?exciting.
至少我们在一起 Well, at least we're together.
是吧？ Right?
嘿 Hey!
你不是那个发明… Aren't you the guy who invented that cure for--
阿尔茨海默症疗法 Alzheimer's.
没错 Exactly.
你知道双子座和水瓶座真的很配吗？ Did you know that Gemini and Aquarius are really compatible?
告诉我 亲爱的 你怎么知道我的星座的？ Tell me, honey, how do you know my sign?
我有天赋 I have a gift.
我能读人心 I read people.
我感觉到了我们很有缘 And I sense epic chemistry between us.
阿纳斯塔西娅 Anastasia?
…要勇敢 s to be brave.
我是菲利普 I'm Filip.
波丹 Bogdan.
波丹 Bogdan?
你不是那个著名的饶舌歌手吗 乔丹？ Aren't you the famous rapper, Jordan?
不再是了 Not anymore.
我现在专心和阿纳斯塔西娅谈恋爱 I am now focusing on my relationship with Anastasia.
进来 Come in?
这是什么？ What's this?
是什么的钥匙 Some kind of key.
哦 操 Oh, fuck.